Coalition to Prevent Bears
This group's purpose is to be a resource to anybody who has had a bear in their yard, had a loved one attacked by a bear or has ever felt threatened by a bear. We hope to eradicate bear violence by the end of 2008. We will eliminate most of the threat of bears however we must and provide support for those who have been affected by this violence.
"The CPB has changed my life! They hired a Certified Bear Sniper to delete the bears from my property and since then no more of my children have been maimed by a bear!" Al Gore
"When my baby daughter was killed by a bear I didn't know how I would ever cope. The counselors at the CPB have helped me get through my grief and now I sometimes forget that I even had a daughter!" Diana Ross
If anybody has any questions about the Coalition to Prevent Bears contact Bridget Bratton at Bridget0688@gmail.com or at phone number 859-344-0258. Find out how to stop bears with us! This is an important issue that affects almost everybody!
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Bio:
Bridget Bratton was just a young child when her best school friend's face was bitten off by a bear. When she was 16 her brother's entire torso was hollowed out by a bear. At the age of 19 her mother's head was deleted by a bear and she decided to do something. She created the Coalition to Prevent Bears with a few of her schoolmates whose lives were also affected by bears. Since then, 1500 people have used their grief hotline and the threat of about ten thousand bears has been eliminated. Bridget's whole life is about eliminating bears and their threat to you and your children.
Interview Questions:
1. What does the CPB do?
-The CPB's mission is to remove the threat of bears from society and to support those who have lost loved ones to bears. There are many ways of doing this, from hiring Bear Snipers to our 24 hour a day grief hotline to our counselors and group therapy.
2. What would happen if there was a bear on my property?
-If it doesn't seem like a superbly threatening bear, we might tranquilize it and send it to a zoo or the woods. If it is a danger, we will hire one of our specially trained Certified Bear Sniper to totally eliminate the threat.
3. But isn't this contritubing to the endangerment of a valued species?
-Valued to whom? Valued to the young woman whose baby no longer has legs? Valued to the man who no longer has a face? I think these people don't really care about the ruthless beasts who have maimed their loved ones.
4. Say my mother has recently died of a bear attack. What would you do to help me deal with my grief?
-We have a team of 15 certified grief and trauma counselors that are fantastic at helping you deal with your individual grief struggle. Everybody grieves in different ways and our counselors are trained to deal with every situation. We also have a 24 hour/day grief hotline that you can call if you are suddenly stricken with overwhelming grief in the middle of the night. This is a fantastic combination of aid for a grieving person and has helped me and many other people get through suffering.
5. How many bear attacks are there exactly per year?
- There are approximately eighty five thousand bear attacks per year.
6. That's quite a lot. Are you a very busy group?
-Of course we are! My associates and I are constantly taking calls from people wanting to schedule appointments with a Bear Sniper, people calling about meetings for group therapy, and others. Our emergency grief hotline is constantly active as well.
7. Is this group for profit or non profit?
-It's a nonprofit group. We all feel like protecting people from the threat of bears is much more important than making any money. But we do accept generous donations. Email Bridget0688@gmail.com for more information.
8. Do you have plans to expand the CPB?
-Such plans are already in place. We're starting bases in New York and Chicago. Expansion is pretty crucial at this stage because we have our Bear Snipers flying all over the country at this point! Bear attacks don't just happen in Cincinnati, you know.
9. What training do the Bear Snipers go through?
-Our Snipers go through a military-like boot camp that strengthens their reflexes and combat skills. It is a month long program and all of our CBSes say it was one of the best experiences of their lives.
10. How can I get involved with the CPB?
-Contact me at Bridget0688@gmail.com. You will go through our volunteer screening program that takes about a week and we will let you know if you pass the mental health screening and the physical exam.
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1 comment:
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Nice one.
xo
Your Mama Bear
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